


With The Stars As Her Umbrella

by skintightsocks



Category: Doctor Who, Glee
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-01
Updated: 2011-05-01
Packaged: 2017-10-21 16:23:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skintightsocks/pseuds/skintightsocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never could pull off that whole ambiguous The Doctor thing.  He feels inferior to his other incarnations sometimes, but really, he's always thought the whole Time Lord stage name deal was kind of pretentious. <i>The Doctor</i>! <i>The Master</i>! <i>The Toaster</i>!  It all sounds so ridiculous. Kurt is easier. AKA: Kurt is the 12th Doctor, Blaine is his faily River Song, and Rachel and Finn are <i>doing it wrong</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With The Stars As Her Umbrella

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song "Cosmic Girl" by Jamiroquai. So [these](http://gallery.chris-colfer.com/thumbnails.php?album=288) photos of Kurt and Rachel came out, and we immediately went, "OH MY GOSH, KURT SHOULD BE THE DOCTOR AND RACHEL SHOULD BE HIS COMPANION!" We were apparently not alone, because Joutei on tumblr made [these](http://joutei.tumblr.com/post/5001297539/i-couldnt-resist-dont-judge-me) [awesome](http://joutei.tumblr.com/post/5034243385/i-regret-nothing) manips, which only made us want to write it _more_ , and that's how we ended up here!

  
Kurt first meets her when he pops into 2011 to see a screening of West Side Story at a revival theater somewhere in Lima, Ohio. He's heard people talk about this particular screening but had never gotten around to seeing it for himself. He had assumed all the stories were mostly hyperbole, but he ends up showing up late, right when Tony and Maria are about to sing _Somewhere_ on the rooftop, and wow. Yep. They were right.

The girl is tiny and the boy is giant and they're standing in front of the screen, re-enacting the scene, shouting to be heard over the actual audio. The boy is standing awkward and stiff, but the girl is all big smiles and bigger voice and manic enthusiasm, gesticulating wildly while she sings to the boy, who starts to look nervous and embarrassed as the crowd begins to boo audibly and throw popcorn at them.

Kurt's pretty sure he's going to either hate her with a fiery passion or she's going to become his new best friend.

"People!" Kurt shouts, holding his sonic comb up above his head and stopping the projector suddenly. He blinks when the theater is plunged into darkness, and quickly aims his sonic comb at the lights. He always forgets about the little things like that. "Right!" he apologizes. "Sorry about that. As I was saying - show some kindness!"

"Kindness sucks!" someone shouts from the back row. "And so does Rachel Berry!"

" _Oh_ ," Kurt thinks, because Blaine is constantly rambling on about some girl named after a fruit and all the adventures they'll have before he realizes he's not supposed to talk about that stuff and snaps his mouth shut, whispering _Spoilers!_ to himself. Blaine's quite odd, but he's also usually right, so Kurt sweeps grandly down the aisle until he's standing in front of the boy and girl.

"That was magnificent," he says, even though she went a little sharp and the boy could barely remember his lines. He gives a showy bow, and the girl claps her hands delightedly, her eyes lighting up.

"I know!" she says. "I don't know what people are on about, we've been rehearsing that for _weeks_ , haven't we, Finn?"

"I want to wash my hair," Finn answers, poking at his greased-up pompadour. "I feel like one of those birds. Uh, no offense," he says, glancing at Kurt. Kurt raises an eyebrow, confused, until he remembers that he's just come from the premiere of the original '57 Broadway run and had styled himself accordingly. Kurt has a very busy brain with lots of things to remember all at once, and sometimes he just can't be bothered with the small details.

"None taken," Kurt says, holding his hand out. "Nice to meet you, I'm The Doctor."

"You're a doctor?" Finn asks, shaking his hand. "You look really young. Are you, like, a super genius? Because I have this weird rash thing on my back--"

"Yes, I am, actually, but I'm not that kind of doctor," Kurt says quickly, grimacing. "Please pull your shirt back down."

"What kind, then?" Finn asks.

"Just call me Kurt," he sighs. He never could pull off that whole ambiguous The Doctor thing. He feels inferior to his other incarnations sometimes, but really, he's always thought the whole Time Lord stage name deal was kind of pretentious. _The Doctor_! _The Master_! _The Toaster_! It all sounds so ridiculous. Kurt is easier.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Kurt," the girl says from behind him. "I'm Rachel Berry," she adds as he turns to face her. "I'm so glad you enjoyed my performance."

"It was something," Kurt says, shaking her hand. " _Really_ something."

-

"And so that's when I got the idea that if the people wouldn't come to me, I would come to the _people_ ," Rachel says. They're sitting in a coffee shop nearby, Finn still poking uncomfortably at his hair. He keeps going back to the counter and ordering more and more pastries the longer Rachel talks. They're currently on hour two, and so far she's covered everything from her origin story ("... and that Thanksgiving is when they realized their lives were empty, and their eyes met across the turkey baster, and they just _knew_ ") to her credentials ("I was the youngest Mimi _ever_. We only ran for two performances because people got so up in arms about an elementary production of _RENT_ , but I'm still proud of it") to her future aspirations ("... and Finn will either get a scholarship or we'll continue our courtship long distance until he can join me in New York. By that time I'm sure I'll be very well established in the Broadway community, so I can support him while he finds work, if need be").

Kurt has nodded, and smiled, and been very good about not judging her openly. Not yet, anyway. Blaine's always telling him that people will like him more if he stops judging them so openly, but he's also had to rescue Blaine at least eight times when his inappropriate musical flirting caused a diplomatic incident, so he's not sure Blaine's the best person to be taking advice from when it comes to proper human behavior.

(Not that he'd ever shop there, but Kurt is now banned from _five_ separate Gaps in five separate time streams, and it's all Blaine's fault.)

"Wait, what was that?" Kurt asks, shaking his head. At some point he'd drifted off, and now Finn is eating a muffin as big as his head and Rachel is looking at him expectantly.

"I asked about you," Rachel says, smiling encouragingly. "Finn pointed out that I've been talking about myself for quite a while."

"Oh," Kurt says. "Right. You know what? How about I don't so much tell you as show you?" Kurt doesn't like talking about himself. He likes to show off, and likes people to tell _him_ about why he's awesome, but humans have frustratingly tiny brains in the first place. Start talking about time travel and regeneration and they go a bit wonky on you. It's best to just plunge them in headfirst, he's found.

"Okay," Rachel says, giving him a wary look. "But I'd like to remind you that Finn is a very large person and I can hit a high F, so don't try anything funny or I'll scream and he'll hit you."

"I'm not going to try anything funny," he promises them, getting up and ushering them away from the table. "I just want to show you something. Trust me, you'll love it."

"He better not be talking about his dick, Rachel," Finn hisses under his breath. "This is exactly how we got into that weird situation with Jesse that we don't talk about anymore."

-

Kurt opens the TARDIS door and strides in, waiting for them to follow. He loves this part.

Rachel screams, and then promptly faints. Finn steps over her and says, "Dude. _Whoa_."

"I know," Kurt says. "I know, it's bigger on th--"

"Do you have a Wii hooked up to those screens? This would make for some epic Madden."

"Are you serious?" Kurt asks, aghast. They're not even _doing it right_.

"Yeah," Finn says, looking at him like there's nothing out of the ordinary. "What is this place anyway? And what does this lever do? And what's with this weirdo button?"

"Finn," Kurt says warningly as Rachel starts to stir. "Don't touch anything." He walks over to help her sit up, smiling a little as she looks around with wide-eyed wonder. That's more like it.

"What is this place?" she whispers.

"Why is there a rubber chicken hanging from here?" Finn asks, and before Kurt can answer either of them, Finn yanks on it, and the TARDIS doors whoosh shut as she starts powering up.

"Oops?" Finn says, backing away slowly.

-

"You're kidnapping us," Rachel says accusingly, sitting perched on the railing and glaring at him. "You're kidnapping us in your crazy, outdated phone booth."

"I'm not kidnapping you," Kurt sighs. "Honestly, most people _want_ to go with me, I don't know what's wrong with the two of you."

"Wrong?" Rachel says. "What's _wrong_ with us? I've got aspirations, buddy, and I will not be kidnapped and used as a drug mule or become someone's child bride. I'm going to be a star and I have a very important impromptu performance of _Defying Gravity_ to give at the 10th Annual Lima Hot Air Balloon Festival tomorrow! Finn knows a guy, he's going to hack into the sound system for me."

"How about this?" Kurt says, smiling at her gently. "If I promise to have you home in more than enough time to make it to the balloon thing _and_ help you practice, will you just give me a chance?"

"That depends," Rachel says warily, "on if you're a comparable vocal match or not."

"Uh, what about me?" Finn asks. "I'm still dressed up like Fozzie Bear and Rachel says it's painful when I try to hit high notes."

"Fonzie, Finn," Rachel says, smiling at him fondly. "Not Fozzie."

"It's possible I _do_ have a Wii," Kurt admits to Finn. He only keeps it around because Blaine has gotten him addicted to Karaoke Revolution, even though he refuses to play together anymore after the fourth time Blaine had jumped up onto the console and stepped on something vital.

-

"Your whole _life_ is going to change, and all because of me!" Kurt says excitedly, skipping up to Rachel. She's sitting a bit awkwardly and staring up at him, a picture perfect Elphaba, if sadly lacking the green paint. "Okay, let me show you how to toss your hair," he says, flicking his head around. "You just flick it, you just flick. Or you can use you hands!" Rachel has truly proven herself to be a _much_ better Elphaba than Blaine had ever managed. He always got way too excited and tried to sing the Glinda parts with Kurt. (Kurt actually hasn't seen Blaine in a while, and he's kind of starting to miss him. Not that he will ever, ever admit that to Blaine. Or even out loud.)

"Uh, guys?" Finn interrupts, pausing his game. "This is like the fifth time you've done this song."

"It's not our fault someone refused to sing _As Long As You're Mine_ with both of us," Kurt reminds him. "I even said we didn't have to kiss."

"Yeah, but then Rachel said we did," Finn says.

The TARDIS comes to a sudden, shuddering stop, tilting everyone sideways. Oh, right. Kurt had gotten so distracted going through the Wicked libertto with Rachel, who also knew all the words _and_ stage directions, that he'd almost forgotten about Finn's rubber chicken blunder. He should probably go check the console and see where and when they are, but that takes some of the fun out it, Kurt's always thought. Besides, if he doesn't recognize the place, he can always make something up. Rachel and Finn won't know any better, they'll be just as impressed.

"Alright," he says grandly, straightening Glinda's pink flower behind his ear and striding forward to stand in front of the doors. "Are you ready?"

"For what?" Finn asks.

"For _adventure_!" Kurt says, giving a twirl. "For worlds and creatures and things you never _dreamed_."

"Should I bring my purse?" Rachel asks, her eyes shining. He wasn't entirely sure they'd believed him about the time travel thing, but she at least seems game to prove him wrong.

"Of course," Kurt says, because it really is a very cute clutch. "First rule of time travel with me: Always Accessorize." Rachel grabs her purse with one hand and Finn with the other, dragging him forward toward the doors. "Okay," Kurt says, smiling at them excitedly as he starts to push the door open. "Here we go," he says, taking a step out onto dry, barren soil. It's all he can see for miles - just flat, cracked ground and a purple sky with no clouds or stars or suns or moons. Well. That's disappointing.

"This is kind of disappointing," Rachel says, stepping out behind him. "The sky is neat, though!"

"Yeah, man, how'd you do that?" Finn asks, following along behind them as they walk forward a bit, Kurt toeing at the ground with his shiny pewter wing-tips.

"It's not me," Kurt says. "I told you! Space travel. From the looks of it, we're on an Epsilon planet, probably around 7029, after they all dried up and people moved on to the Percilons."

"Yeah, I'm not great at Geometry," Finn says with a shrug. Kurt rolls his eyes, and he's about to try to explain when a sudden slithering noise starts up from the ground beneath their feet.

"Uhh," Finn says, looking, with an alarmed expression, at where the slithering black creatures are starting to crawl out of the ground. "Those are some big-ass worms."

"Those aren't worms," Kurt says, taking Rachel by the elbow and pulling her back. "Those are Kritreen. Nasty things. Hundreds of teeth."

"Krit-wha?" Finn asks.

"Just think of them as giant dirt snakes," Kurt says. "Now chop chop, Berries," he says, clapping his hands as he backs them toward the TARDIS doors.

"Hey, my last name isn't--" Finn starts, but Kurt holds up a hand and cuts him off. He likes the sound of it, and also they are quickly losing ground to the Kritreen.

He doesn't want to kick up dust in these shoes, but he forgot how fast these little buggers are, and there's no way they'll make it without running. Kurt resigns himself to some scuff marks and sighs, saying, "Okay, this brings me to the second rule of time travel with me: Run!"

  



End file.
